Walk away if you want to…

I got this sms today morning:

‘When you become too close to someone, you come across their imperfections and your future relationship depends on how you handle these imperfections’

Quite true, isn’t it? When we get close to people we tend to take them for granted. We think that we know them so well that they will react in such a way in a given situation and when they don’t it is like a whacking blow to the impression you had formed of them. Remember the movie Maya Memsaab? The lead actress is full of impressions and in her own fantasies of what her lover might do when he reaches home. But when the lover comes home and he doesn’t directly start making love to her like she expected she is buried deep in despair. We get so attached to people that when they walk away from our life we find ourselves looking for a friendly shoulder to rest our head on. Sadly one finds that there are no more shoulders around coz he/she was so attached to the person who left that he/she completely forgot about other people. Might be even in times when they needed his/her shoulder or a hug or just a simple smile. Why is detachment so difficult and why do some people have this brilliant knack of detaching themselves at the blink of an eye. I was attached to only a few people but I find that I have started clinging on to more people more and more in the last few years. I hate this coz when they get detached I find myself bumping into them and leaving me feeling like being stripped naked on a busy street. Aahhh the nonchalant lot! Might be I expected them to hug me and they just smiled, might be I expected them to talk to me when they just said a Hi and walked away, might be they were busy or in trouble which they didn’t want to share with me lest I get entangled in their problems. Yesterday night the clouds were thundering in the sky and my mind was bogged down by innumerable thoughts not letting me study for the exam coming up. Luckily it rained only on the earth. I have observed that I have started to think a lot more than I used to. Thinking is good but not when it makes your thoughts dominate and suppress your actions. I have observed that I have started to think before I speak. I am not that sarcastic anymore to people, to situations and to life in general. I am not anymore that Sudeep who used to speak out frankly what his mind used to convey the tongue. Now it is comes via the brain where it is filtered. Might be this is good but I hate this Sudeep. I don’t want people to like me for what I am pretending to be. I am fine even if they don’t like me for what I am but no not for the pretence please. I have started letting out my secrets to people. I have started giving them access in my life to such an extent that they question about it every morning. I think I might be his clone… I have to go and find that original Sudeep.