Kid me not

In case you know Marathi language, and you have travelled/going to travel abroad then you should definitely listen to Pu La Deshpande’s Pravaasachi Tayari. If you find a video then have a look (and share it with me). It is not that you won’t enjoy it if you were not travelling, but then it is worth when you get to compare it to the travel tips/instructions you get from your family and friends, even if the instructions are different in the modern world. I am glad I copied all those audio files while packing my stuff and I enjoyed listening to it more than I had heard it back home. One of the instructions I had got while leaving for US was about kids. I am fond of kids, and a cute little kid is an absolute delight to watch (only when he/she is smiling). So I am bombarded with – Don’t pick up any cute looking kid you like in a mall/on the road like most of us do here. Don’t smile at them. Don’t even look at them. With all the paedophilia scare, I took all those instructions to the heart, and in the first two weeks here I even avoided one of my colleague’s one year kid when I was visiting him at his place. With not many friends staying close by and the transportation issues here all I get to do over weekends is keep myself engaged in some activity at home or visit a few colleagues in this same community, or swimming (more on that in some different post). One of the colleagues has a one year daughter who has started speaking a few syllables, and when I visit them the conversation with her goes like this.

Ba (both hands up in the air)

Yes I know we are late for the pool, but your dad is still by his laptop for the office work.

Ba (touches her nose)

Is she having a cold due to the pool water?

Dad - No, we are teaching her facial features

At the age of 1?

Aa (points to the gallery – or patio as they call it here – door)

Yeah your parents should be kicked out of there. I am sure that at the age of 5 they want you to win the spelling bee.

Aa (both hands up in the air again)

They never tell you those things while bringing you to this world. It is a big bad world out there.

Pe (shows three fingers of one hand)

You want to see Teen Thay Bhai movie? Cocktail was released yesterday, so better to watch that.

Uu (points to the television set where Pingu the penguin show is on)

Pingu is cute, but Diana Penty looks good from the promos.

Ka (brings her toy car)

Yes I am saving to buy a car. A real one.

Ba (points three fingers again, this time with one bent)

You are absolutely right. I downloaded some of the Two and a Half Men seasons.

Aa (both hands bent with the I-don’t-know gesture)

I don’t know if this country has any laws against downloading movies or series from torrents. Or for that matter p0rn.

Mom - Downloading what?

Err Pawn Stars, the series where they show buying-selling historical stuff. Is it legal to download it from torrents?

The guy had a chuckle while his wife stared in disbelief. And that strikes out one of the homes-to-visit list for me. Also that made me start preparing pav-bhaji, more on that as well sometime later. So the thing is that the fear of smiling at a cute kid is more there for the desi ones, but not yet for a firangi one, even with blue eyes.

Moreover it is amazing how children are great at learning things adults take time. A Marathi speaking friend of mine who has been here for more than a year still pronounces message (as in a text message) as masej (mas as in masculine), but his 5-6 year old daughter who plays with the local kids goes Mommmmyyy in a typical American accent. I had to pay more attention while listening to her than it is necessary when I hear the client’s full time employees speak. I was going to ask jokingly, “You sure she is YOUR kid?” But hey I am not here to strike off the entire homes-to-visit list.

P.S.: Some families I saw in the malls had 4-6 kids. I mean do they really like making babies or is it just for the income tax benefits?

You must be kidding!

In 1978 a Sanjeev Kumar starrer movie was released by the name Pati Patni Aur Woh, which went on to become a hit. Around 30 years later a same named TV series was born in which Woh – the secretary in the movie was replaced by a baby. The couples in the series were to take care of a baby (someone else’s) as if their own (for a week or month?). That really brought to fore the difficulties couples face while raising a kid, especially when they are not ready to face them. Teachers and parents have the pivotal role in shaping a child’s life so the people who play these roles must be mature enough to handle it. It is not a task which one can put a tick across to mark it done. I was reminded of that TV serial after I spoke to one of my friends.
“Sure I will forward his resume. How is R (his wife)?”
“R has gone to her native place. We are expecting a baby.”
“What? Err… I mean congrats. Sorry, but isn’t it a bit early? You guys are just 25-26.”
“Yeah, I did not want a baby now, but my parents were forcing us to have one soon.”
After hanging up the phone, unfortunately, my (perverted) mind drifted to visualize a scene where he was being forced to have unprotected sex with his wife, with his parents sitting beside commanding “Be good and be quick. We want a baby coming out now. Tick tick 1… tick tick 2…” Sick jokes apart, but seriously, just a year of marriage and being 26 is not a good age to have a baby is what I feel. And how can parents be that forceful to have a grandchild? I am not against my friend having a kid, but I feel he should have had a certain amount of time to enjoy his married life as well. A few days back while surfing TV channels I stopped for a minute on a channel playing Pyar Ke Side Effects. Rahul Bose and his brother-in-law are sitting on a see-saw in that scene and discussing how the former is not ready for marriage, and the latter for parenthood. The latter says he wants to take his wife to Las Vegas and the casinos there, but not with a kid in his arms. What I think is that there should be some time for a couple to get to know each other (even in a love marriage), enjoy each other’s company and see where they stand financially/emotionally/physically before thinking of extending their lineage.

I love kids (provided they are small and cute looking), but I don’t want one in my house as of now. Reading the previous sentence again won’t change the meaning buddy. My close friends almost hate travelling with me (esp. on long journeys in trains) as invariably kids flock around our seats. I am not sure if that is because the kids see me as a joker or something, but from experience they sure enjoy the company. My parents and in-laws are also waiting for the ‘good news’ from our end. I would say I am just lucky though that the topic of having kid(s) came up just twice so far after my marriage. First time my mom had talked about it when we were talking about our neighbour’s little daughter. Mom had then mentioned that I love kids, probably hinting to me and my wife to have our own, when I said I like kids and pets, but only if they belong to someone else. I need not mention that I had to make a quick exit from the scene. When dad had raised it later I had said that I did not want to have a kid for a few reasons, all of which were trampled down by his counter-reasoning. One of my reasons is that I (read we) do not think both, my wife and I, are mature enough to be responsible parents, and I doubt if a time would come when I feel that I have become a responsible adult. About a fortnight back we were having lunch with a couple and eventually the topic of kids came up (they have an adorable little daughter). The guy said that there would never be a time when you would be sure that you have reached the stage to have a kid, it is just that you guys will have to take a plunge taking into consideration your age factor and since every other friend is having a baby. Having a baby due to peer pressure? I haven’t logged into Facebook for a long time now, but I do remember seeing photos of babies posted on albums of many friends from school/college/office. There are four female colleagues on my same floor here who are expecting at the same time; we call it ‘the pregnancy wave’. A few years ago there was a time when all friends were getting married. Now they are gestating at the same time. I do not know how long I would be successful on my stand for no kid, but the thought of taking the plunge does scare me.

P.S.: Why do mothers of kids smile from ear to ear seeing a girl playing with their kid, and probably thinking, “What a great mother this girl will be one day!” While on the other hand if there is a guy in place of the girl, the first reaction is the stare, “Is he a paedophile?”

Happy Diwali!!

Wish you all a very happy Diwali. A bit late in wishing all of you but most of you will pardon me for that. Some of my maternal cousins were here with us this time. It was fun supervising the kids bursting crackers and taking them to the roof to show the brightly lit city and the wonderful display of fireworks over the city horizon. Scrumptious Diwali goodies to gorge into and 2 days of holiday… bliss! Not all was good this Diwali though… some parts of India had terrorist attacks while some didn’t need terrorists as the people have started fighting amongst themselves. With some persons aiming for political supremacy the common man has been made to suffer. My heartfelt condolences to the family of the boy, who was gunned down by the Mumbai police. Instead of lighting lamps during Diwali we are more desperate to snuff out the light out of someone’s lives. I hope God gives all of us sensibility as well this time along with the wealth which comes with the festival of Diwali. Have a nice weekend everyone.

Reality TV 2!!!

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel don't they?

Might be some of us don’t like what Eminem says but it is true and instead of watching animals mating on Discovery it is definitely worth seeing people with excessive libido making out with each and everyone in sight on Desire – Table for Three. There one chef is making out with sexy girls while in some other show another chef is taking dancing lessons. Now you see why I hate engineering :D. But whatever it is that Desire show is worth the change in timings of Seinfeld. I am definitely not regretting staying up late to watch Seinfeld.

I was watching Discovery Travel & Living the other day and saw one show on it. It was on Wife Swapping. Don’t dilate your eyes coz it is not what you think. One wife swaps her two-week life with another except the part what we guys would have wished for. The first week she has to live according to the rules of that family and the next week she tries to implement her rules on that family. I guess the idea of the show is to make both the families realize how important they are to each other. One homemaker was from a very very rich family and the other was from a family which could afford to be in good living conditions but lived on leftovers collected from dumpsters so that the waste of the world is fully utilized. If you find this gross then what if I tell that the second family used to rarely flush their toilets to save water.. eewwww!! The wife from the first family literally vomited after entering the second house.. hard to digest she lived there for 2 weeks crying like a small child. The show name at first reminded me of another serial Cheaters on Reality TV channel (the cable guy has stopped beaming this channel these days) in which cheating spouses were caught on cam through sting operations. The expression of disbelief on their faces was real fun to watch.

Celebrities are featuring as participants in almost every reality show these days. The worse part is that these shows are re-telecast at night so there is no alternative other than watching them. Some 13 odd celebrities (odd is not for celebrities though it could be associated) have been isolated from the living world in a big house and watched over 24x7 for the next few months. The participant celebs and the audience have to vote out one member from the so-called family every week I assume. Last week Bobby Darling was thrown out of the house. I felt really sad watching that. No no.. not because I have sympathy for his ‘transformation’ to her or a soft corner for gays but I felt that if the producers had managed to isolate Bobby and Rakhi Sawant from the rest of the world then better they kept both of them locked up forever. Probably the producers didn’t know that God rarely gives a chance for doing such good deeds. Carol’s Hindi speaking skills made my jaw drop more than watching the clip of her top slipping on the ramp in the fashion show. Why do I watch this show.. well it has Anupama Verma in it *drool*.

We had gone somewhere to eat where my friend spotted this kid and she took this picture. I loved this snap among the whole lot so posting it. By the way, since yesterday was Children’s Day, belated wishes to the child within all of you.

Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget. They don't remember what it's like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won't do that. - Walt Disney

Lost n found!

Pussycat, pussycat,
Where have you been?
I’ve been to London to see the Queen

Pussycat, pussycat,
What did you do there?

I frightened a little mouse under the chair

I know I have not been around for a while and many are asking ‘bout my whereabouts but I had not been to London nor did I frighten any mouse. The main reason this nursery rhyme is here coz I had to hear this one and many other from my nephew who has started going in kindergarten. I had gone to my uncle’s place for diwali (belated wishes for diwali and hope you all had a good time) and there I was visiting a cousin. There he and his wife made their kid stand in front of everyone and were begging him to recite a few (??) rhymes. Since, the kid had not seen me before he was either shy or scared and staring at me. His mom went on Say beta! Otherwise Sudeep uncle will say all the rhymes. I was like Huh? From where will Sudeep uncle remember the rhymes taught to him some 18 years back? I was seriously hoping that my nephew wasn’t smart like me *ahem* and ask me to start coz I was completely blank (though in the meantime I quickly remembered Twinkle Twinkle in case..). A little later after seeing a chocolate as bribe (corruption starts here.. damn :D) he started the rhymes and started as if he wasn’t going to stop. After pussycat he pinched his Chubby cheeks, then Humpty Dumpty went to sit on a wall; later Jack and Jill went to fetch water before the sky went Twinkle Twinkle with little stars, Johnny and his dad had some sugar when the mouse ran up the clock in Hickory Dickory Dock. After a session of how many fingers, where is nose and head my nephew got his chocolate and I was relieved. Poor chaps.. both of us. Anyways, I had visited my relatives after a really long time so it was a gruelling time to see every household in that city and moreover remember who was who. At the end of day I didn’t remember the names or relations except the faces. I am just hoping that the next time they meet they don’t ask the usual question “Remember me?” or “Ohh! You have grown up.” (as if I was born to stay a kid forever and rant off nursery rhymes for them :D)

It was a hectic month at work and to couple the misery, the management made a few of us take some interviews. Though we did not have the final say in rejecting or accepting the candidate we had to ask a few technical questions and observe how the seniors grilled the interviewee. It was real fun sitting first time on the opposite side of the table and then rub hands in glee watching the prey “MUAHAHAHA!!” But honestly I took care not to scare any fresher and asked only simple questions (coz I knew answers to only those :D). By the way, we booked a new house last month. The work has just started and probably we will be moving there in next July-August. I will surely read all what I have missed on your blogs and reply to the comments too of previous posts, so give me time for that and since I don’t want to make this post too long, will be writing a few backlog entries in upcoming posts. This forced break though made this clear that I can live without blogging or reading blogs.. so it was a relief that my blog revolves around my life and not vice-versa.