She & Me - Part VIII

Back home in Pune, like many medium-class households, we have one television set, and usually the remote control is in the hands of mom in the morning for the share market news and in evening/night with dad for news and some sit-coms. 99% of the times it is SAB TV channel playing out at our home. So I sometimes miss out watching How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men or the re-runs of other English sit-coms. Torrent downloads or swapping hard-disks did enable for some viewing on the computer, but with the available time it usually ended up in watching a couple of episodes of a season. With quite a lot of free time over the weekend here I am getting myself immersed in all the shows I love. I am currently on the Season 5 of Two and a Half Men, Season 5 of How I Met Your Mother and Season 4 of That 70s Show, apart from Season 3 of 24. Though I do like a couple of characters from FRIENDS, I am not very much fond of the overall show as such. A friend here wanted me to start with LOST, but I haven’t yet. I prefer the comedy genre over the others. By the way, there was a character with the name Sudeep in one of the episodes of HIMYM :-)

We had a team builder event on one of the Fridays last month. It was supposed to be a bowling alley event with a positive response from 95% of the team members on the first day itself. But somehow the plan changed to go to a food bank as volunteers. The second day the responses dropped to 5%. I was also in the ‘not coming’ category because I was not sure if I was going to be comfortable handling non-vegetarian food items while serving there, and did not want to be a volunteer who turned up to do nothing. Then there was an episode of HIMYM in which the characters Ted and Robin sift through dry & packed boxes of food items in a food bank. So I made a call to the organizer and she said that all food items will be sealed and there would be no actual food serving there. Also another colleague insisted that since everyone sits at different locations it would be a good chance to interact with others considering that I had recently moved and very few in the team knew me. So I went to the team builder event and there were many who did not know what was to be done at the food bank.

 

She (seated next to Me at the assembly-point table): Hi! I am She.

Me: Hi! I am Me.

She: Whose team are you working with?

Me: X’s team.

She: It is such a bad turnout for this event.

Me: Hmm, the bowling thing would have been more fun for everyone.

She: Do you know what is to be done here?

Me: I have a very faint idea, but do you know how I met your mother?

She (ecstatic): OMG, you are from Chennai? How and when did you meet my mother?

Me: Err that didn’t turn out the way I was saying…

 

There were many other groups for volunteering and every group was assigned to a different area in the food bank. By the way, all that our group did was prepare the paper bags for the food delivery.

Kid me not

In case you know Marathi language, and you have travelled/going to travel abroad then you should definitely listen to Pu La Deshpande’s Pravaasachi Tayari. If you find a video then have a look (and share it with me). It is not that you won’t enjoy it if you were not travelling, but then it is worth when you get to compare it to the travel tips/instructions you get from your family and friends, even if the instructions are different in the modern world. I am glad I copied all those audio files while packing my stuff and I enjoyed listening to it more than I had heard it back home. One of the instructions I had got while leaving for US was about kids. I am fond of kids, and a cute little kid is an absolute delight to watch (only when he/she is smiling). So I am bombarded with – Don’t pick up any cute looking kid you like in a mall/on the road like most of us do here. Don’t smile at them. Don’t even look at them. With all the paedophilia scare, I took all those instructions to the heart, and in the first two weeks here I even avoided one of my colleague’s one year kid when I was visiting him at his place. With not many friends staying close by and the transportation issues here all I get to do over weekends is keep myself engaged in some activity at home or visit a few colleagues in this same community, or swimming (more on that in some different post). One of the colleagues has a one year daughter who has started speaking a few syllables, and when I visit them the conversation with her goes like this.

Ba (both hands up in the air)

Yes I know we are late for the pool, but your dad is still by his laptop for the office work.

Ba (touches her nose)

Is she having a cold due to the pool water?

Dad - No, we are teaching her facial features

At the age of 1?

Aa (points to the gallery – or patio as they call it here – door)

Yeah your parents should be kicked out of there. I am sure that at the age of 5 they want you to win the spelling bee.

Aa (both hands up in the air again)

They never tell you those things while bringing you to this world. It is a big bad world out there.

Pe (shows three fingers of one hand)

You want to see Teen Thay Bhai movie? Cocktail was released yesterday, so better to watch that.

Uu (points to the television set where Pingu the penguin show is on)

Pingu is cute, but Diana Penty looks good from the promos.

Ka (brings her toy car)

Yes I am saving to buy a car. A real one.

Ba (points three fingers again, this time with one bent)

You are absolutely right. I downloaded some of the Two and a Half Men seasons.

Aa (both hands bent with the I-don’t-know gesture)

I don’t know if this country has any laws against downloading movies or series from torrents. Or for that matter p0rn.

Mom - Downloading what?

Err Pawn Stars, the series where they show buying-selling historical stuff. Is it legal to download it from torrents?

The guy had a chuckle while his wife stared in disbelief. And that strikes out one of the homes-to-visit list for me. Also that made me start preparing pav-bhaji, more on that as well sometime later. So the thing is that the fear of smiling at a cute kid is more there for the desi ones, but not yet for a firangi one, even with blue eyes.

Moreover it is amazing how children are great at learning things adults take time. A Marathi speaking friend of mine who has been here for more than a year still pronounces message (as in a text message) as masej (mas as in masculine), but his 5-6 year old daughter who plays with the local kids goes Mommmmyyy in a typical American accent. I had to pay more attention while listening to her than it is necessary when I hear the client’s full time employees speak. I was going to ask jokingly, “You sure she is YOUR kid?” But hey I am not here to strike off the entire homes-to-visit list.

P.S.: Some families I saw in the malls had 4-6 kids. I mean do they really like making babies or is it just for the income tax benefits?

Life is a sojourn

It was probably my 8th or 9th birthday when I had got a greeting card, from one of my maternal uncles, which had the first line as “Life is a sojourn here on earth”. Then a brief (excerpt) of some advice/thoughts followed this which I don’t remember, but the word sojourn remains etched in my mind since that day. Back then I did not understand the meaning of that word and I am not sure if I ever got a chance later to use it anywhere. Here is an opportunity for me to use it after around 20 years.

I have moved to US last month on an onsite assignment, which could last a year (or less if they plan to kick me out :D). The location is in Phoenix (Arizona)… yes it is HOT, and people are saying this is just the beginning, phew! I find it funny when people say that this is a good weather for you to come here. Even A/B said that I would enjoy the summer. I had stayed alone for months together earlier, but that was at home itself when mom was visiting dad in his transferred places. Here it is alone in an altogether new country where I am trying to get used to call the ‘room/apartment’ as ‘home’. Add to that trying to juggle the new work routine with other daily chores which includes cooking. It has been quite a month so far! Thus begins a new tag The American Sojourn, which hopefully will see some more posts, considering the frequency of posts over the last year he he he. I wish that this experience teaches me something good for the future.

T(r)oying with delusion

“Master your tremendous pride, Achilles. You have no need to be so stubborn. Even the gods themselves, for all their greater majesty, honour and power, are capable of being swayed. When someone has gone too far and done wrong, they supplicate gods with sacrifice and soft prayers, libations and burnt-offerings, to turn them from their anger. There are goddesses of supplication, Litae, daughters of almighty Zeus. These Litae are wrinkled creatures, limping, eyes askance, who make it their business to pursue Delusion. But Delusion is strong and sure-footed, because she is quick enough to leave them all behind. Roaming the world, Delusion brings mankind to grief. But the Litae come after and put the trouble right. The man who respects these daughters of Zeus when they approach him is greatly blessed by them, and they listen to his prayers. But when a man hardens his heart and rebuffs them, they go and supplicate Zeus, asking that Delusion accompany the man so that he comes to grief and pays the price.”
- Phoenix in his speech to Achilles from The Iliad by Homer (translation by E.V. Rieu, revised by Jr. Rieu and Peter Jones)

I am reading The Iliad, and it has been interesting so far. To read their speeches during the war is a few steps ahead than just knowing the main characters through the movie or earlier read information on websites. The characters, their speeches, outbursts and other elements of the story/book are so analogous to the modern times and I keep comparing the IT industry (or could rather be any workplace) hierarchy with the Greek/Trojan camps. A disgruntled employee thundering at his superior questioning his expertise, calling him a pig, and stating that all others are work hard whereas it is the superior who reaps benefits.

Bruised history

It is mind boggling that the mind actually remembers the dates, incidents and people which it should forget, and on the other hand it forgets the ones to be remembered.

That accident had shaken me up because it was my first one on a busy road, and since then somehow the month of December has been prone to give a lot of unpleasant surprises. Today morning when I was leaving for office and took my bike out of the parking slot the mind warned me that it is Dec 15th. I smiled brushing off the thought and told my mind to shut up. The first turn after getting out of the building, a school rickshaw coming from the opposite direction swerved wildly, and I avoided it in time. Within a minute on the next turn 2 guys came out suddenly (from a building gate), and to avoid hitting them I slowed down and hit the brakes. Wham! After taking two tumbles I was lying on my bike with both hands caught under it. Nursing the few bruises I have got I have been sitting today at home. The pain in the palm not-withstanding it feels a good break solely due to the reason that it has been a hectic phase at the workplace and found time to listen to some good old songs*. How I wish to be more active on the blog and even with stuff to write here, time is always finding a way to elude me. Anyway, you guys please drive safely and stay fit.

*Still humming to yeh shaam mastani and phir wohi raat hai.

P.S.: When I say 'you guys', to whom am I referring to? There are hardly a few who are still active (reading and/or writing). So many blogger friends have disappeared from the scene. I hope that the active ones do not stop writing.

You must be kidding!

In 1978 a Sanjeev Kumar starrer movie was released by the name Pati Patni Aur Woh, which went on to become a hit. Around 30 years later a same named TV series was born in which Woh – the secretary in the movie was replaced by a baby. The couples in the series were to take care of a baby (someone else’s) as if their own (for a week or month?). That really brought to fore the difficulties couples face while raising a kid, especially when they are not ready to face them. Teachers and parents have the pivotal role in shaping a child’s life so the people who play these roles must be mature enough to handle it. It is not a task which one can put a tick across to mark it done. I was reminded of that TV serial after I spoke to one of my friends.
“Sure I will forward his resume. How is R (his wife)?”
“R has gone to her native place. We are expecting a baby.”
“What? Err… I mean congrats. Sorry, but isn’t it a bit early? You guys are just 25-26.”
“Yeah, I did not want a baby now, but my parents were forcing us to have one soon.”
After hanging up the phone, unfortunately, my (perverted) mind drifted to visualize a scene where he was being forced to have unprotected sex with his wife, with his parents sitting beside commanding “Be good and be quick. We want a baby coming out now. Tick tick 1… tick tick 2…” Sick jokes apart, but seriously, just a year of marriage and being 26 is not a good age to have a baby is what I feel. And how can parents be that forceful to have a grandchild? I am not against my friend having a kid, but I feel he should have had a certain amount of time to enjoy his married life as well. A few days back while surfing TV channels I stopped for a minute on a channel playing Pyar Ke Side Effects. Rahul Bose and his brother-in-law are sitting on a see-saw in that scene and discussing how the former is not ready for marriage, and the latter for parenthood. The latter says he wants to take his wife to Las Vegas and the casinos there, but not with a kid in his arms. What I think is that there should be some time for a couple to get to know each other (even in a love marriage), enjoy each other’s company and see where they stand financially/emotionally/physically before thinking of extending their lineage.

I love kids (provided they are small and cute looking), but I don’t want one in my house as of now. Reading the previous sentence again won’t change the meaning buddy. My close friends almost hate travelling with me (esp. on long journeys in trains) as invariably kids flock around our seats. I am not sure if that is because the kids see me as a joker or something, but from experience they sure enjoy the company. My parents and in-laws are also waiting for the ‘good news’ from our end. I would say I am just lucky though that the topic of having kid(s) came up just twice so far after my marriage. First time my mom had talked about it when we were talking about our neighbour’s little daughter. Mom had then mentioned that I love kids, probably hinting to me and my wife to have our own, when I said I like kids and pets, but only if they belong to someone else. I need not mention that I had to make a quick exit from the scene. When dad had raised it later I had said that I did not want to have a kid for a few reasons, all of which were trampled down by his counter-reasoning. One of my reasons is that I (read we) do not think both, my wife and I, are mature enough to be responsible parents, and I doubt if a time would come when I feel that I have become a responsible adult. About a fortnight back we were having lunch with a couple and eventually the topic of kids came up (they have an adorable little daughter). The guy said that there would never be a time when you would be sure that you have reached the stage to have a kid, it is just that you guys will have to take a plunge taking into consideration your age factor and since every other friend is having a baby. Having a baby due to peer pressure? I haven’t logged into Facebook for a long time now, but I do remember seeing photos of babies posted on albums of many friends from school/college/office. There are four female colleagues on my same floor here who are expecting at the same time; we call it ‘the pregnancy wave’. A few years ago there was a time when all friends were getting married. Now they are gestating at the same time. I do not know how long I would be successful on my stand for no kid, but the thought of taking the plunge does scare me.

P.S.: Why do mothers of kids smile from ear to ear seeing a girl playing with their kid, and probably thinking, “What a great mother this girl will be one day!” While on the other hand if there is a guy in place of the girl, the first reaction is the stare, “Is he a paedophile?”

Rejuvenated!

Rejuvenated is such a pretty word, isn’t it? Every time this word comes across it brings out a bright, happy picture like the ‘happy shirt’, the one with bold blue and white stripes. It is very common (and I am not allowed to have one coz it is a very common pattern), but I have loved that shirt since a very long time. I have this notion that the person who wears it is extremely happy, thus ‘happy shirt’. Anyway, rejuvenated was for the happy feeling I am, or rather was, going through after a nice trip. I was on a two week break which felt shorter than it was. All vacations seem short, don’t they? And it is so very boring to go to work after coming back. Now I wish everyone at work wore the ‘happy shirt’ and felt rejuvenated.
The view from the hotel room in Mussorie.

Face value

I have this peculiar habit of scanning faces, the pretty and the not-so pretty ones too, in public places. Not only looking at the faces, but as to what they are doing, and thinking on what they might be thinking. I assume everyone does that, but instead of generalizing I will say that it is my habit. So at the lunch table in the cafeteria one day when the discussions veered off to how incompetent the project manager is I preferred to look past the table occupants and spotted a face amongst others. I knew I had seen him before somewhere and that too before joining this company, but I was not able to register where. I do boast that I have a good memory of recollecting faces and at the same time I regret that my memory of remembering names is very weak. So I wondered that if I smile at the familiar face either he would recognize me with my name and I would be fumbling remembering his name (which happens most of the times) or I would smile and he would be like why is this guy smiling at me when I don’t know him (which also happens many times). So I did not smile or wave at him, but still was thinking where I had seen that guy. Then while leaving the cafeteria we were about to cross each other and I saw that he was looking at me with a similar where-have-I-seen you look. I smiled weakly and he said, “Sharma?” The face-recollecter narcissist in me poked fun at me again that the guy standing in front not only recognized my face but was also remembering my name. After some small talk we left for our offices. He also was not able to remember where we had met, but later it struck me (by the way he addressed my surname) that we were in the same tuition class 11 years back. Had it been only his voice or full name instead of his face, I don’t think I would have recognized him.

This power of (or dependency on) the face came out strongly in the project I completed recently. We had about 200 team members working from different locations and different companies, over different time zones. Out of these 200 around I had met only 8-10 people who were from the floor opposite to mine. While talking to the remaining ones during the conference calls I used to imagine their faces. I used to associate known faces to these unknown people based on their voices, names, locations and my imagination over the last 10 months. The problem was when the known people used to meet me and I started calling them by the names of the unknown faces since I had mapped their faces to the names I was talking to the entire day. Last week my onshore counterpart sent a few photographs of a party the team there had attended. On the call I asked him where he was standing in the photograph; the picture I had in my head was completely the opposite of him. Now when I talk to him after that day I am not able to co-relate the real face with that voice as I am used to the mental image I had created over these many months. Among the blogger friends I have so far imagined I had told Sayesha that before visiting her travel blog where she had posted her photograph I always thought her to be like the actress Sandhya Mridul. I have still not heard Sayesha’s voice so associating her with the actress is a different story altogether, but even today the first image that comes to my mind when I read her blog is of the actress and then her real face.

Tumbling down the rabbit hole

I analyze each passing year, though never reach to/make any decisions to change the flow of anything. I have been too lazy if you want to say so or too much of a believer of destiny that I have let the water find its own course even if there are obstacles that need to be overcome instead of meandering around. Yesterday one of the team members (from another company) sent me an appreciation on completion of the project. He stated that I had maintained a cool head even when there were many issues and he liked the fact that instead of going for escalations I had handled the issues on my own with a good rapport with the whole team. I had replied to him that I was not a person who liked the idea of escalations and preferred the policy that things do go bad, but they turn out to be good eventually. After replying I sat back for a moment and pondered as to this ‘appreciation’ can as well be ‘criticism’ that I had not followed the rules laid out and had not done what all others do, i.e., escalate to the higher management. Well I didn’t, and I am really not sure if it was good or bad. I lost my passport last month and all colleagues have been more stressed on the incident than me. Everyone stills keeps asking me how come I am calm on losing an important document. I am not boasting here because I am not actually that cool headed. I assume I was the cool headed guy say 5-6 years back when friends had nicknamed me chameleon as I could slip superficially into any desired mood, mostly to pull a prank on someone and no one was able to figure out what is going on in my head. Now they do, and I hate it. I don’t like that someone can peep into my mind now, which I had successfully blocked so many years.

I have been observing that I lose my cool more now than the Sudeep who was 5-6 years back. It was not an over the night transformation, but over the years this change has taken place. Earlier when someone used to jump a traffic signal I used to shake my head and call him by a flop actor’s name (most preferred was Uday Chopra). Now when some idiot does the same thing I shout at him stopping only after throwing a few abuses. I seriously think I might end up beating the shit out of someone on the road these days. Sample this incident which happened 2 years ago. I was at a small kiosk outside the company premises for buying a soft drink which a colleague wanted. The vendor handed me over the bottle and I gave him 25 bucks for the bottle priced at 23. I waited for a minute for him to hand me the change, but on asking he refused stating that the price is 25. I showed him the printed price and demanded the 2 rupees which he flatly refused again under the pretext of refrigeration charges. If this had occurred 4 years back I would have convinced myself that the poor fellow needs the small amount more than me. But I was almost short of exchanging blows with him. It was not just the 2 rupees I was fighting for, but the way he was looting everyone. Had it not been the colleague who was waiting for the soft drink, I would have not bought the bottle and even enacted the Dombivli Fast scene in which the lead actor batters the shop facing a similar incident. I don’t remember having any nightmares earlier. I could just pick up someone known/unknown (even the blogger buddies) before closing my eyes and then in the dreams we would be jogging on a hill to reach a fort or be on a safari ride. Now the people in the dreams hurt each other, mentally and physically. I dislike the violence and the gory deaths, even if they are not real.

Like MJ said in the movie, everybody needs help sometimes, Peter, even Spider-Man. I am waiting for help from someone, and it could be you, a divine intervention or it could be me as well. This time I am not going to let the water flow in the direction it wishes to, but will make sure to get it back on the earlier course. I am going to climb out of the rabbit hole and you will love the old Sudeep again. It is a promise.

Plotting!

Last week someone jumped up two places in my top 10 persons to-be-killed list.

Look who is talking!

Unmesh: “Dude, there are around 1000 people here, but no one seems to be interested in talking like we guys did”.
I laughed and said that I have been wondering the same thing in my new office. Unmesh was my desk partner in my previous company (NS). It was his first day in a new office and he was calling me up in his lunch hour. Actually it was not only Unmesh complaining, but almost everyone who had left NS found the chilling silence a bit more than uncomfortable. My cubicle was probably filled up with the most talkative persons in the company and we did enjoy those years. There were hardly any moments in the last 3-4 years that witnessed a pin drop silence. I have been in the new company for around 3 weeks now and still it is difficult to find people to talk to on completely silly topics. Everyone seems lost in their own world. There is very less work these days. A friend asked me last week about my new job. I told him that one of my uncles would call this a paid honeymoon; but no work, no talk and no net access makes Sudeep a dull and bored boy man youth :P. What I have been doing these days is doing some technical reading, studying people (and their habits/behaviour) sitting nearby (very few pretty girls to check out) and keep checking my clock now and then for calculating how many more hours I need to spend before leaving. I also utilized the free time to recollect funny incidents in the previous company and made a list of people with whom I have worked in the projects over the last 5 years.

I noticed that the average age of employees in NS was around 23-25, so they were chilled out, were happy to go out on a trip, or were not shouldering a lot of responsibilities at home so could fine time to enjoy outside the confines of their houses. There was still a small child somewhere in the grown up body. In the bigger companies like my current one, the average age of employees might be around 32-38. So what we have here are people who spend time slogging at work and want to spend a peaceful weekend with spouse (and children). There is a child in there, but they are convinced that it is too late to go do something crazy. In just three weeks I have seen so many people having a lonely lunch in the cafeteria. In NS if someone sat for a lunch there would be 3-4 people joining him/her just to give company. The employee strength ratio for NS to the new company is 1:1000 in case you are wondering. I used to go to NS on a bike, now I take a bus which takes around 70-80 minutes one way. People have iPods plugged to their ears, some sleep or some bookworm types try reading in spite of the jerks on the road, but no one talks. I met a friend from NS (he had left NS around 2 years back and joined a bigger company) who was a very jolly fellow. This guy had mellowed down so much that I doubted if I was meeting his twin brother. I asked him why he was so serious to which he replied that he had forgotten how to enjoy life along with enjoying the work, and the work culture in the new company had moulded him that way. For a moment I was scared I too will stop talking shit and become a brain-wired-techno geek. I don’t know what that means, but I guess you get the drift. I am trying to adjust myself to this new change. I don’t rule out a possibility of me standing on my desk and dancing so that the serious ones have something to laugh at, but for now I will maintain a silent desk and keep my hopes alive for some chilled out colleague(s) to come by.

I guess changes in life are inevitable; how much we change for good is what would matter finally.

So this was written when I was 3 weeks old in the company. Now six months have passed after the joining date. In the first project there was not much work to do, and then I got my team changed on request. The new team has many members and each one individually handles a project with teams from other companies. I too do the same now so the ‘talk’ factor is still an issue for me as everyone is busy in their own project work. But the situation is not as bleak as it was in the initial days, though I cannot say I have made a friend here for life like I had made many from the previous organization. I hope the New Year brings in many more positive changes for me and for everyone. Wish you a very happy New Year.

Altruism

You can't get unless you give. And you have to give without wanting to get – Theodore H White

Is it selfish to look for a new sweater when one already has three, and is completely aware that a majority of population below the poverty line have nothing to protect themselves from the cold winter? Is it still selfish if the sweater in question is a birthday gift which cannot be refused?
My wife selected many sweaters and sweatshirts for me, but I did not pick up any from them. I had a certain idea for the new one in my mind and couldn’t find a match for it. Still looking for the one which will light up my eyes and make me kneel to ask, “Would you come with me home tonight?”

Can lusting something for oneself without thinking for others be termed as selfish? Will it still be selfish if others are happier than you (and for you) when you get the desired thing? Will it still be termed as selfish that you are unhappy on seeing that others are happy for you?

I am not sure if there would be a new post in the remaining days of this year so wishing everyone a very happy New Year. Enjoy through out the year, don't drink and drive.

Duplicator!

I wonder if it is just a mere coincidence that I find the two faces quite similar.

The Three Blind Mice

1st mouse:
Eyes open. Brightness. Clarity. Dreams.
Eyes closed. Darkness. Obstacles. Nightmares.

2nd mouse:
Eyes open. Dust. Conjunctivitis. Sleepless nights.
Eyes closed. Clean. Soothing. Deep slumber.

3rd mouse:
Eyes open. Sight. Troubles. Unhappiness.
Eyes closed. Blind. Ignorance. Bliss.

The Weather Man

A friend mailed this article about China’s attempts on controlling the weather. So my post will be true one day. Yes, you may kneel down and seek my blessings.

By the way, is there a sweet way to tell someone not to screw up weather and whether?

Fellowship of the ring

It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing.

The last week was the worst till date. Pushed to the wall, with no option left. After a lot of deliberation, found it to be a small thing which could be weeded out easily. God forgot to create a button for that, but maybe it was deliberate.

Uncannily absurd this might seem, but one of the most poignant things I will be reading when I go through the archives years later.

Life is not just the part before death

When I was a kid I used to go to my mother’s native place every summer holidays. I had lost my paternal grandparents quite early; I do have a faint memory of grandmother, but none of my grandfather. So my maternal grandparents were the ones I was very much attached since childhood. As a kid I was always overjoyed at the prospect of going to their place because it meant being pampered (as the only grandchild that time) by them and also getting to play games with my maternal uncles, who were yet to get married and so had more time for me he he. I used to help grandfather in performing the morning puja and would tell him to bring me a big watermelon while coming back home. While coming from work he really used to bring a huge watermelon even if it meant carrying it and the bicycle along from the market to the home. When I grew up old enough to understand the distance he had to walk with the watermelon I used to tell him not to bring anything, but he still kept on bringing them because he knew my love for watermelons and more than this love it was his love for me.

Later when mom used to tell me the hardships grandfather had faced while growing up I remember crying each time I heard the stories. In his early teens he had lost his father and elder brother, and being the eldest surviving son he had to bear the weight of supporting the rest of the family. They lived in poor times and education was for the privileged class, so he started a menial job in a garment store along with his younger brother. Many times they slept without food in their stomachs, but they were hell bent on following the principle of honesty and never did they stray to a path of earning money illegally. Gradually he set up a tea shop which later started serving misal-pav* as well. Working hard over many years the brothers set up a full-fledged misal-pav outlet. They did not have (still do not have) any outsider chef/cook to prepare it, but had mastered the art of preparing the misal themselves. The space for the shop was small, but the tasty dish had a long queue throughout the day. Standing near the hot stove the entire day (grandfather worked till he was 69 and his younger brother still works this hard at the age of 70) they used to churn out delicious misal and keep their customers happy.

Honesty and hard work were two important lessons which grandfather always taught his children, grandchildren and anyone who was associated with him. Not only his talks but his entire life was a paradigm of these two principles. Generosity was another virtue for which he used to get bouquets as well as brickbats. With the shop doing well he used to generously donate money to the needy. A poor man was fed well at the shop without asking for money. He used to tell that he had himself experienced going without food for many days, so when in a position to help others one should not turn our backs to them. And he used to say that helping others should come from the heart and not just to please God or someone else. These traits had earned him so much respect and friends from all classes of the society. Around 500 people had turned up at his funeral which had farmers to politicians. I think I have around 200 to 300 ‘friends’ on Facebook and Orkut, and I wonder if even one-tenth of them will show up in mine.

A year ago he had started having problem with his eyesight and a few tests revealed that he had cancer in the second stage and it was spreading rapidly. We consulted a lot of doctors and every doctor dissuaded us from opting for chemotherapy treatment as it would not help and in fact would cause him more pain at this age. On learning about the disease he straightforwardly said that a good lifespan is of 60-65 years so whatever he was living was a bonus life and being satisfied he had no qualms in leaving the world. I have seen a few cancer patients losing their mental balance in the end. Grandfather was calm and composed till his last moment (His younger brother and my mom had a major role though in keeping him calm by talking of all good things in his life and the struggle he faced so far which will guide the next generations to stand tall in failures and not get dejected at any point). On Saturday, my wife and I reached the hospital where he was admitted around 10 days back. He was on a ventilator that day and his tongue was tied to prevent it from blocking the throat. He smiled looking at us and raised his hands to bless us. I remembered the conversation I had with him the previous weekend when I had spoon-fed him in the same hospital room. About an hour later he went in to a coma and passed away the next morning. During the last day rituals, the dead body is sprinkled with (holy) water from the Ganges and clothes are changed before proceeding to the cremation ground. The priest who was in charge of the rituals pulled grandfather’s arm so mercilessly while changing the clothes that in spite of knowing that he won’t feel it my cousin brother and I asked the priest to do it slowly. The dead body is subjected to so many things in a short span of time that I started wondering if the rituals hurt the deceased person’s family more. I advised a young cousin to remember to care for a person when that person is alive, because repenting for not having done something for them after their death is of no use.

Last month he would have turned 74. I miss him a lot and hope that every young family member grows up to become a good person that my grandfather had envisioned.

* The Wikipedia article is in a very rudimentary form. Better description and images can be found out online.

Desktop Goddess # 16

Ek ajnabee haseena se yuh mulaaqat ho gayi
Phir kya hua yeh na puchho kuch aisi baat ho gayi

Jaaneman jaane jigar hota main shaayar agar
Kehta ghazal teri adaaon par
Maine yeh kaha toh mujhse khafa woh jaane haya ho gayi

Khoobsurat baat yeh chaar pal ka saath yeh
Saari umar mujhko rahega yaad
Main akela tha magar ban gayi woh humsafar
Woh mere saath ho gayi

I still remember the face of the plain-clothes policeman stopping us in that isolated lane of Prabhat Road about 11 years ago. We were three friends travelling on a two wheeler heading to the home of my friend who had a computer and an internet connection. In those days a computer at home was rare to find and an own internet connection was a novelty a very few could afford. It was afternoon time and we had bunked our college lectures to see what our friend had discovered online. Desibaba and a few other sites were a treasure trove for the young testosterone charged males when nudity was only in English movies and pornography had limited access. I think that was the time when we guys had started loving Pamela Anderson. And no it was not just for the boobs, maybe lack of babes. Be it the Baywatch craze to see her running down in the shiny red swimsuit or staying awake till late night to see her in Barb Wire even if the interesting scenes were grayed out by pixels. I think the time when I lost interest in her was after the overdose of her home videos. Also by that time there were so many new models with beautiful faces to fall in love with that Pam lost her charm like a young Hogwarts wizard would without his wand. I had thought I won’t be reading/hearing about her in these years, but seems her name is cropping up everywhere. If you are following me on Twitter you might be aware that a couple of months ago I came across an employee with the name Pamela Anderson. We colleagues joked about the ways the real Pamela Anderson would use to promote the company’s brand image. A week back I was going through a mock-up presentation of a new application being built. It had a screen where the user had to fill in details of his/her family members. One of the enterprising architects of the application had filled in Pamela Anderson in the name field and in the relationship field ‘mother-in-law’ was keyed in. The next screen had a comments section and one of the comments read, “My mother-in-law is cruel”. The newspapers are flooded with Pam’s photos since last 3-4 days as she was getting ready to enter the reality television show Bigg Boss. Can we expect Pam-Ashmit tape? Well these guys can do anything for money, don’t they? It might be seen as a nice move by the channel and producers to boost the show’s TRP, but I would prefer watching KBC.

P.S.: The police officer did not fine us there itself. He took the details of the friend who was riding the 2 wheeler. The friend later got a notice from the court to pay the fine. I wonder where those two guys are now, should find them on Facebook maybe.

Life is a small boat in a pond

An excerpt from Paulo Coelho’s Eleven Minutes:
Today, while we were walking around the lake, along that strange road to Santiago, the man who was with me - a painter, with a life entirely different from mine - threw a pebble into the water. Small circles appeared where the pebble fell, which grew and grew until they touched a duck that happened to be passing and which had nothing to do with the pebble. Instead of being afraid of that unexpected wave, he decided to play with it.

In our lives we encounter many such waves which seem to be unexpected. If we are not disturbed we think they are good not worrying about the source of the pebble, but if they disturb us then we label them as bad and start looking for the source that disturbed the serenity of our pond. We get caught up in incidents for which the sources are unknown or very far from our reach, but some of these incidents cause a huge impact on our lives. A year back when the economic recession had hit the world, we all felt the jolt. For some it might have been minor and for others it could have been major. A huge number of people lost their jobs and in many cases even the hard workers were not spared because the companies had no other option. I knew a guy from my previous company who was one day asked to leave with many others. He was the only earning member of a family of four, which included his old mother, wife and a small kid apart from him. He knew that his mother and wife won’t be able to take in the sudden shock of losing a job, so he never told them about the dismissal. For the next five-six months he followed the same routine which he had been doing – leaving on time for work with a lunch box every morning and returning home about 10 hours later. During the day he would run around to different companies with a copy of his resume to find a new work place. Everywhere he faced rejection because every company was on a retrenchment drive and not in a recruitment mode. He found a small odd job later and once the recession was over he was back with a bang in a new place. He kept the entire thing hidden from his family just to make sure that they were not affected in a negative way. Today this guy is earning much more than what he would have at the previous organization. I also know another guy from the same company who even today is sitting at his home just because he took the dismissal to heart and refused to look for a job or starting up some small business on his own. He finds solace in blaming everyone (from America to his manager) for the loss of his job, but he neither wishes to make corrections nor wants any deviations in his charted course of life. He is simply fortunate that his wife has a job and is currently managing somehow to make ends meet with a recent addition to their family.

In my new organization there is a person who travels in my bus and also was an ex-colleague of a few new colleagues of mine. Nobody, actually nobody talks with this guy. Even in the bus he is avoided and I have seen a couple of times that other people don’t even answer his simple questions. From his ex-colleagues I have learnt that this guy is a ‘foolish’, ‘dumb’, ‘good-for-nothing’ fellow and he should be kicked out of the company. Good vibes take their own time to travel around while bad ones compete with the speed of light. The next thing I heard that his manager had kicked him out of the project and he was ‘on bench’, i.e., out of work for some time. Coming from a small organization which respected every individual’s strengths and weaknesses I was somehow troubled by this thought because I considered that people could be trained to do good work, no matter how difficult the task was. I decided to talk with this guy in the bus and deliberately waited for him to take a seat first. Sitting beside him I casually smiled at him and that was all for us to start a conversation. I avoided telling him that I knew his ex-colleagues, but in fact he mentioned about them after I told him which group I work in. We talked for about 70-80 min of the bus ride and he did most of the talking. To me he seemed to be a simpleton rather than stupid. I believe he still doesn’t know how this world functions with the fierce competition in every discipline. He is definitely a bit slow, but as long he gets an understanding manager who can work on him he will be a good employee. Agreed that who has the time to spend on an under-performing employee with the stiff deadlines to meet and an ever mounting pile of work, but then employees like him will be thrown out without any considerations. I felt that if I had the authority to choose my team members (which I don’t) I would have accepted him in my team. It might have turned out to be a disaster for the project, but it might also have turned out to be the opposite. Today I heard that the allocation manager had called him up and gave him a hint that he might have to look another job. Sad thing is that, call him stupid or in my words simpleton, he did not understand the hint in its literal terms. He thought he was told that he would be ‘on bench’ for another month due to lack of projects. No one (in the management or his ex-colleagues) knows that he is the sole bread winner of his family – old mother, wife and a young daughter – living in a rented apartment in a city which is spiraling upwards everyday in terms of living expenses. I just hope he gets a good superior and his family gets enough strength to ride the waves which might rock their boat for a while.

Bus, ab aur nahi

In the initial days I settled for whichever seat I got in the company bus, but lately I look for the window seat even if it is in the back side, where people get their heads bumped with the roof on every speed breaker. Like almost everyone, I have liked the window seat since childhood days. When I used to accompany my mother on summer visits to our grandparents places (maternal or paternal) I used to kneel on the seat, look out of the window and loved the wind hitting my face and tousling my hair. I would keep on asking mom a lot of questions and she would often hand me tasks which would keep me busy during the 3 or 5 hour journeys. I would be asked to count the number of wells and I would religiously watch and count as the bus raced past the small hamlets and villages. With lesser hair now on the head, I still love the impact of the cold wind and the travel to office and back home is now one of the things I daily look forward to.

My office is around 35-36 km away from my home and depending on the traffic it takes about 80-90 min for a one-way ride. Indrayani River flows near the company and one can see it meander its way across with a few clusters of green patches here and there. There are a few other companies, but mine is the farthest in the area, so from the backside of the company premises one can look far up to the horizon with some agricultural lands on the other side of the river and a range of mountains. The journey back home starts at the company bus point near the gate. There is a small hillock in view from here. It has a single tree on the top and a small temple. The sun setting down behind the hill with the tree and temple in silhouette must be a nice sight (I haven’t seen it yet) I guess. As the bus leaves the companies behind down the pot-holes ridden road it enters a narrow road with fields on both sides of the road dotted with small houses with the typical kaularu roofs. These remind me of my grandfather’s house back in the small village where my father was born. It also reminds me that I have not visited there since a very long time now and uncle has already started pulling down the mud house to build a concrete one there. Many a times the roads here are blocked by the cows and buffaloes which make me think that visiting clients (foreigners) must be thinking that entire India really is a land of ‘cows on roads’.

As the fields begin to disappear small industrial units sector starts coming up. These are the sources of the driving mechanism of our washing machines or the small parts of our cars which we thought were precisely manufactured abroad. When I was completing my engineering last year project in one of the industrial sectors near Pune, I had the privilege to work in such small industries. Passing by this road everyday reminds me of the wonderful time we four guys had working on our project on the lathe and milling machines, running to the wire cutting shop with our designs and welding the parts together to create our assembly. To think that I have to compulsorily call a Systems/IT guy if my company computer has a problem sounds so lame in front of all the little but fabulous work we had in our hands. These industries have a typical Welder needed – 3 or Lathe Operator needed – 2 scribbled on the huge gates which I am sure my project partners will remember seeing and the innumerable (funny) trips with the project guide.

Most of the workers in such small industries come from a very poor background and as soon as this industrial sector comes to an end, one sees abject poverty in the slum area ahead. Open drainage lines overflowing, small huts sticking together, drunkards either lying near the street in the dirt or trying to maintain balance on the way home, little kids straying away from the huts to catch a glimpse of the traffic etc. is visible here. On the left side of the road are small typical railway-quarters styled buildings, which earlier could have been slums (just a guess). There is a tinge of vote bank politics in sight as almost all huts in the slum area have TV satellite dishes fitted and on keen observation some of the dwellers can be seen flaunting latest mobiles; maybe cheaper imitations or the gray market models. Looking at the kids sitting there or playing on the roadside makes me sad and somewhere crops up a feeling inside to do something for them. Even then I know that stepping in that kind of area to help them is impossible for me and that increases my respect for people who work selflessly for such slum dwellers. I make a mental note to buy a few pairs of slippers on my next out of station trip, so that I can give away those to bare footed beggars, especially the kids on railway platforms or in trains. That can be the least thing to start from my side.

Just 5 minutes after the sad feeling starts sinking in, up comes an area which looks exactly the opposite. The bus reaches the Bhakti-Shakti crossroad. The name comes from the historic meeting of King Shivaji and Saint Tukaram. One can see the statues of them if the eyesight goes further than the small merry-go-rounds and hawkers selling seemingly yummy fast food. One vendor cart bears the name ‘Samadhan Bhel’ :-) The lawns near the statues look neatly manicured and many people can be seen enjoying their evening time strolling there. Crossing this road the Nigdi area starts where my eyes start widening a bit. The bungalows on both sides of the roads are a treat to watch. My mother many a times talks about the bungalows in this area and especially the ones which have a well maintained porch with saplings and trees. I am not sure when I can buy her a nice bungalow like this because it seems the people staying here were born with many silver (and golden) spoons or must have struck a pot of gold somewhere. But what I love most in this area are the good roads. I have to applaud PCMC efforts in overhauling the look and maintaining the roads. Pune’s civic authorities need to seriously take some learning from them. A little ahead a new flyover is coming up which will definitely do some good to the traffic flow. As of now the roads leading to the flyover construction work is uneven and disturbs my sleepy co-passengers. The guy sitting on my left is in deep slumber and his head falls on my shoulder. The shoulder senses that the head is of a male and it obeys one of the Newton’s laws and reacts by jerking the head upright. The guy wakes up and I place both hands on the front seat as if the entire bus is recovering from a big jolt. He murmurs a few expletives to the driver and goes back to sleep on the other side this time. I smile and look outside.
The sun is gradually moving towards the horizon. I can see a few birds flying back to their nests. Remember when was the last time you saw birds in formations flying back? I don’t because it was a long, long time ago. Seriously there are not many birds now in the cities. Birds in formations on the golden sky background always make a pretty sight and are always easy to sketch as well he he he. There is a small, dense green patch with a rivulet just before the Aditya Birla Memorial Hospital which could easily pass off as a jungle if the buildings nearby are removed. There are a couple of horses (or mares) grazing in this patch. A little further is the Dange Chowk where a fantastic statue of King Shivaji is seen. He is on a galloping horse and he has his sword drawn and pointed skywards in an attacking pose. I wonder if he would spring to life from that stone and kill all the pseudo-patriots, who are causing more harm to the society under his name. The medium sunlight in the background of the statue gives a surreal touch to it. People are seen spending time with tiny tots playing in the garden surrounding the statue. The traffic starts to build up here as employees from all directions are heading towards the city.

The bus trudges along to meet the Pune-Mumbai highway where people seem to be racing with time. Everyone does that on the highways, right? A few days back I had missed the morning bus and took my bike instead. While returning I had touched 95 kmph mark, my highest till date on Pune roads. The highway is a beautiful sight when one is not driving. The sky is full of soft golden light with the sun tucked neatly in the hills over the horizon. The intermittent high rise buildings and open lands play with the waning sunlight. The things that take away the beauty are the huge hoardings advertising the latest residential complexes on the sidelines of the highway. If I was given the power to change something in the city, I will definitely opt for removing the hoardings and improve the landscape. The Hinjewadi crossroad at Wakad looks like the first corner in a Formula 1 race track bustling with vehicles trying to outdo each other. Luckily there are talks of improving this traffic mess with some much needed diversions. Automobile showrooms dot the highway along with a few educational institutions. Standing out among all these is the Balewadi Stadium and Sports Complex. There is a single wall inside the complex which has 1 to 100 written in squares like the ones seen on the Snakes & Ladders game. Does anyone know what purpose it serves? I have been asking many friends, but failed to get an answer.

I guess it was around 9-10 years back when I had climbed the hillock near the Pashan-Sus road. I was completely unaware of this spot and thought we guys had come very far from the city. A few years back I realized that it was only 10 km away from my home, but the distance earlier seemed more due to lack of proper roads. If you are in Pune you should visit this spot, sit leisurely on the lawn and watch the vehicle lights on the highway race past. An indoor furniture shop attracts my attention here with a hammock kept near the entrance. I remind myself that I still need to buy a few things for our house. Actually the selection is to be done by mom and wife, and these ladies are taking their own time, thus the delay. A friend has booked a new flat nearby and I watch his building grow each day. I had promised to accompany him to check the flat and the weekend visit is still due. The Pashan lake is a wonderful sight in the fading light. The bus driver in the meantime flicks on the bus lights and people start to check their bags as the drop points draw closer. The wind is cool and the thought that home is just 10 minutes away is more soothing.

The bus leaves the highway to take a turn towards Kothrud merging with the traffic from Chandni Chowk. With drop points on every 2 minutes it reaches my area. The mind automatically begins to recognize the area and even when I don’t know the names of the buildings nearby it recognizes the landmarks and knows it is near to the home. I wonder how people (like the ones in army or transferrable government jobs) who travel frequently from one place to other create bonds with the people or the area in which they live for very short time. Familiar faces in the building smile and I smile back or nod a hello. Kids are playing and shouting loudly, but the mind and body are at peace. The 90 minute ride has taken away all the job stress and I look forward to a wonderful evening with my family. I will stop here before you repeat the title of this post :-)

P.S.: All photos are taken from my cell phone camera while in motion, so please bear with the quality.